INTRODUCTION

      I'm a 26 year old woman, married and mother to an obnoxiously cute 5 month old son. I enjoy sleeping in, shopping, sex, money, taking cruises, trying new foods and alone time. All of which I miss very, very much.

      My husband and I had been married for almost 5 years when we found out that we were having our first child. As I stood there, holding a piss stick and sobbing in horror (ugly cry, snot and all), my husband was a gleaming mess of excitement. I had been foiled.

      I always knew that I wanted to have a child - but being that I was having a damn good time NOT having a child, I wanted to wait. I had spent the entire year of 2010 dedicated to bettering myself as a person both mentally and physically. I had ALWAYS been overweight, but that year I LIVED in the gym and lost almost 100lbs. I cut my long, luxurious curls into a shorter, more updated hair style, went tanning like a crazy person, and took really good care of both myself and my relationship with my husband.

Things had never been better.

     So, needless to say, I was horrified and not ready by any means. I was sad and angry, and throughout the whole pregnancy - which was a horrific experience physically for me - I was terrified. I gained 50lbs back (which I'm still holding on to, THANK YOU BABY J!) and my life had been turned upside down. I never felt an attachment to my child while I was pregnancy and never did until he was almost 2 months old. It was a hard year.

     Now that my son is 5 months old, I am hopelessly in love with him and even more in love with my husband that I have ever been. That being said, I MISS MY OLD LIFE. I have no social life, no money, no time for the gym and NO energy. None of my clothes fit, none of my friends call, and I feel a huge disconnect from the world.

     I am no longer angry about the pregnancy, and I don't resent having my son at all. Truly, madly, deeply. I regret the way I felt about the situation, I am hurt that pregnancy couldn't have been a wonderful experience for me and I am disappointed in myself for letting my weight go and not watching more carefully what I ate and how much I exercised. I could have easily prevented that whole situation, which is why I think I am so mad at myself now.

    I am making mistakes and learning things every single day about my new role as a mother. Thing blog isn't going to be some cheesefest full of DIY projects and recipes, kids games and sewing shit. Let's be real. I'm a working mom who doesn't have a talent to save her life.

Basically, if this blog were scratch and sniff, it would smell like spit up and tears.