He ate WHAT?

Update to previous post from 6/5/12...

      The hours between when I got off work and Baby J came home (about 9:40pm) were awful. I was literally shaking at some point, wondering how he was doing and if he missed me. It soon became clear to me that this wasn't happening again for a long, long time. Nope.

      When my MIL dropped Baby J off, I snatched him up and hugged him SO TIGHT. His face was sticky and his hair was drenched in sweat. (he sweats like crazy in his sleep, especially in his carseat.) MIL thanked me for letting them take him, then told me a variety of things that he ate while he was gone.

      It wasn't until a little while later that I realized what had happened. I am VERY serious about what Baby J eats. Being an overweight person my whole life, my parents didn't teach me about nutrition. Not until before Baby J was born had I learned anything at all - and thats when I decided to turn my life around. My husband, also being overweight his whole life, doesn't want Baby J to go through the same experiences that he went through. Not to mention the various food allergies in my family. So, in short, we are very serious about what he eats.

      Right now, he eats baby food for breakfast (oatmeal mixed with some kind of fruit usually.) Then a mid-morning 8oz bottle of formula. Lunch time he gets a veggie baby food, then dinner time is a mixed meal of baby food. (turkey with mixed veggies, chicken and rice, etc.) and at that time we usually give him bits and peices of whatever veggie we are eating with our meal. He also gets Gerber baby snacks and watered down sugar free juice in between meals. When he eats something new, it's only that one thing for at least 24 hours. I want to make sure that he doesn't have an allergic reaction. (this was recommended by my pediatrician also.)

      My husband knows how important this is to me. I asked him to please relay this to his mother. Apparently, she forgot. Later on, I see pictures of Baby J on Facebook drinking SWEET TEA of all things, and eating pie, cake, olives, breads, etc. When I unpacked his diaper bag (which was fully stocked with everything she needed) NONE of it had been eaten. None.

      So all 8 hours that my son was gone, he ate a bunch of shit. Not only was it shit, but it was SO much shit. What if he had an allergic reaction and me or my husband wasn't there? How would we even know what was causing the reaction?

      My husband and I had a long heart to heart after this. My heart has been beating twice as fast since this day, I swear to you. I was so angry. I was mostly angry at home for not being forceful with how serious this was and explaining his diet well. He said he didn't think it was as big of a deal as I did. We needed to get on the same page.

      I decided not to mention this to my MIL because I don't want to start any drama. My husband and I decided that next time she wants him (and only for a few hours and not past 7pm at my request and sanity) then it will be explained at that time in a serious manner. Example, "MIL, Baby J is on a pretty strict diet and we want to keep it that way. He eats this container of baby food at 3pm, and a bottle at 6. He can have the snacks in the bag if he's hungry, but please don't give him anything else. That would be great."

      Oh how I wish I could mention this directly to her, but if you knew my MIL, then you'd know that isn't something that would go well. I'm not questioning her parenting skills, but she isn't the parent in this case. Not sure I could explain that any harder to my husband either. Overall, I am pissed off and still very upset about the whole situation. Who in their right mid gives an infant sweet tea anyway? An infant that isn't your own child? Grandchild or not. It's not the same thing.

Dealing with uncomfortable emotions...

I don't know if I've posted this here before, because honestly, it's not something that I like to talk about and I literally live in fear of speaking about it online.. because once it's here, it never goes away. Once you post it, it can always be found. Being that this is an anonymous blog and none of you know who I am - I think this is pretty safe.

My MIL and I don't get along. We can be cordial, but we have never really gotten along. She has a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. In the 7 years I have been with my husband, I have seen too many ups and downs to count with her. From extreme ups to the lowest of lows; even being admitted into the hospital for treatment a few summers ago.

I am not comfortable with MIL watching Baby J for extended periods of time. I feel uneasy about it, not to mention that MIL babysat Baby J for a while when I went back to work and it was a disaster for my marriage to say the least. She doesn't make a solid effort to spend time with Baby J like my parents do, and it isn't anyone's fault but her own - but if you asked her, she would blame my husband and I completely. We have both told MIL on several occasions that if she ever wants to see Baby J, all she has to do is call and one of us will being him over for a while. She rarely calls.

Today my husband called me to tell me that his mom is coming to get Baby J tomorrow afternoon and is taking him to see his grandmother in cousins in a neighboring city and wouldn't be home until late, 9 or so. She asked him to pick Baby J up from her house on his way home from work. (Mind you, she lives 2 miles way from our home and my husband doesn't get off work until almost midnight.) I flat out said no to that part. If she wants to take my kid, she can bring him home at a decent hour. I know she asked this to avoid me, but sorry, it's not gonna happen.

I wish I could talk to my husband and explain how I feel. He believes that I don't like Baby J being alone with MIL simply because "I don't like her" and "don't want her to have a strong relationship with Baby J", which isn't the same - at all. Not even close. I would love for Baby J to have a better relationship with MIL but it isn't my responsibility. If she wanted to be close with him, she would. She would call my husband and he would take him over there for a visit. She just doesn't call, so my husband doesn't go visit.

I want to tell him that I don't think he takes the fact that she is a diagnosed and medicated bipolar person and what that really means. It worries me to leave my son with her for extended periods of time. I know she loves him and would never hurt him, but I worry about her patience. I worry about the fact that he is so picky and particular and she knows nothing about him. I worry about the fact that he home isn't even CLOSE to baby proofed, and he is tearing into everything right now. I worry that she will feed him things that I don't want him to eat. I just worry because they don't have much of a relationship and I don't trust ANYONE with my son. It scares me to death.

When I've tried to talk to him about it, I don't think he hears me. He gets mad at me instead of tries to understand why I feel the way I feel.